i tried talking to thm , & for th third time , i failed again .
wht worried abt me , scared tht i might be lost , are all excuses .
i knw yr cn afford it , its tht yr are just not willing to afford it .
just say it thn , why must yr find so many excuses ? & make me disappointed again & again ?
do you really wish to see me turn blind from all those tears tht yr grant me ?
saying you would rather give me money thn let me go japan , thn if yr willing to give me th money , why cnt you put th money to better use & grant me my wish ?
you said tht im not thoughful enough , too naive .
but do you knw tht i have save a few hundreds of N level fees for you , & tht i cn be promoted to sec 5 straight away & i only nid to take my O levels ?
do you knw i have no discipline case in school & i do whtever my teachers ask me to do ?
do you knw tht im already mature enough to decide on wht will i be whn i grow up & im working v hard towards it ?
is ths wht you say im not thoughtful ?
i knw i screamed at you , & mrs eng & ms lee said i shouldnt do tht , i should apologised .
i did , but wht is yr response ? continue reading yr bloody newspaper , didnt even bother to listen to wht i say , thinking tht i will be fine over a few days ?
NO , yr wrong . from tht moment onwards , i knw 1 thing for sure , tht is im hating you .
forgive & forget huh ? to you ?
you bloody hell promise mrs eng tht you will talk to mom & discuss it one more time with her , but you cn lie to her , but you cn nv lie to me .
i knw bloody sure tht th moment you reach home , you read yr bloody newspaper again & slp .
i dint expose yr lies tht you didnt even tried to communicate with mom to let me go japan !
saying you do all these for my own good , saying new year thn bring me to hokkaido ? let me tell you ths , i f*cking dnt care abt it . i dnt give a hoot abt it .
i guess till now , you dnt even knw th true reason tht i wish to go .
you may think tht i go thr for th fun of it .
your so bloody hell wrong .
i go thr for th diff experience , for th encounter , & all ths is not wht i will get if i go with you .
you get it now ?
i suppose no , because whnever i try talking to you nicely , you turn a deaf ear towards it . & even though how much i want to scream , how much i want to shout , i swallow it back . because mrs eng tells me i shouldnt do it .
& now , whts yr response ? telling me you will think abt it ?
no , i have live wit you for 16yrs of y life .
do you think im so stupid as to dnt knw tht tht are just yr excuses of not listening to me ?
& you even bloody hell say tht whn mrs eng called you & tell you tht ths is a v rare chance , i really should go , & you said tht mrs eng said all ths just to trick you ?
let me make ths clear to you , tht now , i trust my teachers more thn you , my own dad .
thy knw tht i will be capable of taking care of myself , thy trust tht i cn do things right .
wht abt you ? you said yr worried tht i might not be able to take care of myself , after living wit me for 16 years , you dnt even trust wht im capable of , yet my teacher , teaching me for only 2 yrs , trust me of wht i cn do .
isnt ths irony ?
all i cn say is , you dnt tust me . & not only did you ripped me of my chance to go japan , you ripped me of my trust in you .
i suppose from now onwards , i will nv ever smile infront of you again .
th moment whn my application form is accepted for interview ,
& tht i pass my interview . i hope high tht you will let me go , because i believe tht you will share th joy tgt wit me , & congratulate me . but you dint . you bloody hell continue reading yr newspaper .
so , newspaper is more important , isnt it ?
you will nv knw how much i cried , how many times ive been disappointed , because all you knw , is yr newspaper .
all ths times , no matter how much i excel in my school & CCA , & whn i tell you excitedly abt it , all you do is throw me a look , smile at me & continue on yr newspaper .
do you even care ? no right ?

lh , grace , benjamin . sorry tht i dint reply yr smses , pls understand .